Analysis by Kyle A. Lohmeier
As I opined in my Theory of Nearly Everything Else, our current culture and government are largely the result of the coddled, idiotic society most of America has devolved into over the last 70 or so years. A nation founded by rebels as an act of defiance against authority that once celebrated its pioneers and explorers is now overrun with people who are afraid of words and need authority to hold their hand at all times. That, dear readers, is how we get to a point where I’m sitting here in my jammies eating a Clif bar and reading this headline: “California lawmaker makes push for health warning labels on soda.”
“’This is not a tax measure. We’re not taking products off the shelves. This is about consumers’ right to know,’” Bill Monning was quoted by Reuters. Monning is the California state senator for the San Francisco area – democrat, natch – and the author of a bill that would force private companies like Coke-Cola to put warning labels on their products.
Obviously, this legislation is very stupid. It’s obvious to everyone with functional gray-matter north of their brainstem, that this is pointless. Monning, a democrat, lawmaker and a human from California fits three criteria that indicate he is nothing more than a functioning brainstem; as evidenced by the fact that this is the third time he’s introduced this legislation. That’s right. Bill Monning wrote a law that imposes regulations upon private companies that was so stupid that even the State of California’s legislature rejected it. Twice.
If the third time is indeed a charm, the law will require bottlers to warn consumers if their product contains more than 75 calories per 12-ounce serving and has added sugar. The warning would state that beverages with added sugar contribute to obesity, diabetes and tooth decay – things all human beings have known for many decades now.
“’America’s beverage companies already provide fact-based, easy-to-use calorie labels on the front of every bottle, can and pack we produce,’ said an American Beverage Association spokeswoman, adding that ‘misleading warnings’ won’t solve complex public health problems,” Chris Prentice wrote for Reuters.
Of course, most people capable of reading the words printed on a warning label already know that soda beverages are nothing more than liquefied candy. Of course there’s a ton of sugar in it, and of course it’s all “added” sugar – how much sugar naturally occurs in carbonated water, a few shades of food dye and coloring and artificial flavorings?
Yes, this is stupid. And yes, this will be paid for by California consumers against their will, so it is evil as well. However, as stupid and evil as government always is, it’s not exclusively so – the appearance of stupid is often overplayed so as to hide the evil. Government can be quite insidious, if nothing else.
Look again at the criteria needed to be met in order to earn your beverage a warning label: more than 75 calories per 12-ounce serving AND added sugar. Seems, odd. Right. If 75 calories is the cut-off, who cares if a beverage got to that arbitrary mark by adding sugar or not?
Well, because California does, in addition to idiocy, produce oranges. Oranges often get turned into orange juice. A 12-ounce serving of fresh-squeezed, totally natural, organic, non-processed (other than you squeezing it yourself) orange juice contains 167 calories per 12-ounce serving. Granted, those calories all come from naturally-occurring fructose within the orange itself and not from high-fructose corn syrup, but the body processes all simple sugars the same. Granted, the calcium, vitamins, protein and fiber present in fresh-squeezed orange juice makes for a far more healthful beverage than a can of Pepsi. I mean, that just goes without saying. In fact, no one needs a warning label to tell them a can of Pepsi is less healthful than a glass of OJ.
This, however, is just what governments do. People like to forget that this big, dumb, monolithic thing we call “government” is actually made up of hundreds of thousands of low-grade individual humans who couldn’t quite hack it in the private sector where real people expect results and productivity. In the public sector, all that is required is to jealously guard your piece of the appropriations by constantly maintaining the appearance of utility. As years and budget cycles go by, maintaining this appearance becomes more and more difficult – America ran out of useful laws it could pass at the federal level centuries ago, yet they keep going, dreaming up new ways to interfere with our lives. The same goes for state-level governments, especially those as bloated and idiotic as that of California.
When you have government, it’s going to grow and mess stuff up, just like when you have cancer. The only “good amount” of cancer to have is the same as the only “good amount” of government to have: none at all.
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